[That laugh actually makes him pause for a bit because oh, well, that's newish.] Says she who can't even remember who's in her bed right now. At least I know half of their names.

I usually don't care about their names. It's not like I'm trying to date them. [She laughs again.] Harry and Ron are always so scandalized. Like casual sex is some sin.

I care because a few of them are my closest friends. Kind of hard to forget those names. It's not a sin for somebody like, well, me. But for you? Since when does Hermione Granger not care about monogamy? [It's not an accusation per say, just really surprised and kind of amused.]

[She shrugs, though he can't see it. She's had to give this speech a fair few times.] After the war, I got burned pretty badly by some grade-A prats. Blokes who were only interested in my name or my fame or.. one wanted to assassinate Harry.

[A swallow. That one's rough to remember.] So I finally just... gave up on the relationship scene. Maybe someday, but not right now. Not worth getting hurt.

Ah. I suppose that's bound to happen when one grows up in the limelight fresh out of school...I'm sure this is the part where I'm supposed to say that not every bloke is like that and that it isn't always painful, but I'm definitely not that optimistic and I'm also trying this thing? You know, this thing where I don't spout as much utter bullshit as usual. Sometimes it works.

Point being, relationships are messy anyway. At least your reasoning's better than mine.

[She's teasing him, here, but who said teasing isn't based somewhat in truth?] You're just too self-absorbed to devote yourself to any girl.

Well, I am my favorite person. I've devoted myself to a few people, just not in the way you're thinking I bet.

We've all heard about your infamous love affairs. They're lucky women, I'm sure. [She's rolling her eyes. Betcha he can hear it in her voice.]

Now that's a lie. We who? [That would be mildly insulting if he cared about her caring or not.]

We as in the general population of the United Kingdom. You're a celebrity, Malfoy, you must know that. [she really cannot help herself.]

Well I already knew that. I'm too important not to be. [Draco does not appreciate you hurting his brain this early in the morning, Hermione.] You're right though, they're incredibly lucky women. Luckier if I bring them back to my place.

It's a miracle they don't chain themselves to your bed and beg to stay. [She is cracking up.]

I think I'd actually listen to you if you weren't cackling on the other end of the line, you know.

At least I don't laugh in your face. And I don't cackle.

If only because you can't currently see my face. And you do, too. [Except for the part where she doesn't.]

'And you do, too.' What a zinger you have zinged. What's next? 'Your mom'?

Actually I was thinking more 'your face', but that'll do just nicely. See, you're even saving me the trouble of thinking right now.

[There is a yawn, low at first but quickly escalating into a high-pitched sort of whine, and then silence for a moment while she blinks.] That's so cute that you're thinking about me at night.

[Okay ow. That was not human.] Just remember that you're the one who called me. What does that say about your subconscious?

Clearly that I'm madly in love with you. Oh heavens. Whatever will I do. [And here we have the return of the deadpan voice.]

Edited 2010-08-31 01:42 am (UTC)

Oh I've always known that. You just had to admit it to yourself. [Deadpan or not, Draco will take what he can get.]

[If he wants to play, she'll play.] Is that right. I don't think you'd even know what to do with yourself if I really did. You'd be scared into your shell.

Wouldn't that require me having a shell in the first place?

Semantics, and that's decidedly not the point. I don't think you could-- [She pauses, as if searching for the right word. She knows what words she wants to say, but the dramatic is always appropriate when dealing with Draco Malfoy.] --handle it.

And I think you're making it up, or I might have to ask you to prove it.