And yet here you are still talking to me. Funny how that works.

So who's the dashing gentleman currently trashing your private quarters? [Why he's talking like that, who knows.]

[mumbling] What is his name... I think it's Jeremy.. or John. I don't know.

He's not trashing anything.

You don't even know who he is. That...that just makes this better! I never would have guessed.

Well you're the one screaming about your bedsheets. What else is a person supposed to think?

Shut. Up. He was trying to help me find my phone.

In your bed. Right. Maybe I should let you go back to your admirer in any case...unless he took my advice and really did leave.

I had left it on the side of the bed.

Why am I defending myself to you? You're just... what, I don't know. Are you made you're not him?

Right. Of course you did.

Oh yeah, incredibly jealous. How I wish it were me spooning in your bed right at this very moment. Are you joking? I have my own.

Oh, right, that's why you picked up so quickly at this time of night. Of course you do.

I didn't mean right this moment. I ended up coming back here instead of spending the night there.

You're such an awful liar, Malfoy.

Normally I'd argue about being a liar and try to prove my case, but I don't care that much. Though let me just say that it's because my bed's the most comfortable bed in the world.

Is that right? Empirical analysis tested that theory?

More like my harem tested that theory. Good testing and everything.

[She laughs, and it's a warm, genuine laugh... instead of being mocking like she intends it to be.] God, you're such a manwhore.

[That laugh actually makes him pause for a bit because oh, well, that's newish.] Says she who can't even remember who's in her bed right now. At least I know half of their names.

I usually don't care about their names. It's not like I'm trying to date them. [She laughs again.] Harry and Ron are always so scandalized. Like casual sex is some sin.

I care because a few of them are my closest friends. Kind of hard to forget those names. It's not a sin for somebody like, well, me. But for you? Since when does Hermione Granger not care about monogamy? [It's not an accusation per say, just really surprised and kind of amused.]

[She shrugs, though he can't see it. She's had to give this speech a fair few times.] After the war, I got burned pretty badly by some grade-A prats. Blokes who were only interested in my name or my fame or.. one wanted to assassinate Harry.

[A swallow. That one's rough to remember.] So I finally just... gave up on the relationship scene. Maybe someday, but not right now. Not worth getting hurt.

Ah. I suppose that's bound to happen when one grows up in the limelight fresh out of school...I'm sure this is the part where I'm supposed to say that not every bloke is like that and that it isn't always painful, but I'm definitely not that optimistic and I'm also trying this thing? You know, this thing where I don't spout as much utter bullshit as usual. Sometimes it works.

Point being, relationships are messy anyway. At least your reasoning's better than mine.

[She's teasing him, here, but who said teasing isn't based somewhat in truth?] You're just too self-absorbed to devote yourself to any girl.

Well, I am my favorite person. I've devoted myself to a few people, just not in the way you're thinking I bet.

We've all heard about your infamous love affairs. They're lucky women, I'm sure. [She's rolling her eyes. Betcha he can hear it in her voice.]

Now that's a lie. We who? [That would be mildly insulting if he cared about her caring or not.]

We as in the general population of the United Kingdom. You're a celebrity, Malfoy, you must know that. [she really cannot help herself.]

Well I already knew that. I'm too important not to be. [Draco does not appreciate you hurting his brain this early in the morning, Hermione.] You're right though, they're incredibly lucky women. Luckier if I bring them back to my place.